Tips for Teaching a Child to Read

Lay the Foundation

Read to your children. A lot.  Nothing else will spark their love for books like this will! Even when they are old enough to read for themselves, continue to read great books to them. For some wonderful book recommendations, check out the following lists:

• Five in a Row curriculum: This is a fantastic curriculum for the early years; however, simply using the booklist to make some good library selections is very beneficial as well! In particular, look at the Before Five in a Row booklist for very young children.
• 1000 Good Books List

Teaching Letter Sounds

Before beginning to teach my children to read, I like to give them a lot of exposure to letters and teach them all of the letter sounds. The Leapfrog Company makes a few wonderful products that have helped us greatly to that end. One is the LeapFrog Letter Factory DVD. Leapfrog actually has a whole video series – Letter Factory, Talking Words Factory, and Storybook Factory – but the only one that I particularly recommend is the first one. Another great Leapfrog product is the Fridge Phonics Magnetic Alphabet Set. Magnetic letters stick to the refrigerator, and when each one is inserted into a little device, it sings a song reinforcing the sound associated with the letter. I highly recommend both of these products which provide a lot of help in preparing children for a phonics program.

Teaching Phonics

For Kindergarten, my main academic goal is that my children will be reading with proficiency by the end of the year. I choose to spend the majority of my one-on-one teaching time with my K-ers working toward this end.

I begin with a solid phonics program. If I am teaching a child younger than five years old, my favorite program is Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, by Siegfried Engelmann. I like this for the younger set because the author assumes that the child is unfamiliar with each letter sound. The program is extremely gentle, completely scripted, and designed specifically for very young children. I started using this book to teach one of my children at age three, and she was reading quite well by age four. Who’d have guessed she was our firstborn?

Another favorite, which I used with my next two children, is Alpha-Phonics: A Primer For Beginning Readers by Samuel Blumenfeld. It moves a bit faster than 100 Easy Lessons, and is probably a more complete program, but in my experience, it is not well-suited for children younger than five years. I prefer this approach for five year olds, because at that age my children already know all of the letter sounds and are developmentally more mature and ready for a faster pace.

My fourth child is currently learning to read, and I’ve used a bit of a combination with him. Last year when he was four, he had a great desire to learn to read, so I started him with 100 Easy Lessons. We made it a good portion through the book, but upon the start of this year (his Kindergarten year), he was still not reading with ease. Now that he is five, we put the 100 Easy Lessons book away, and are using Alpha-Phonics. He zipped through the first part of the book doing several lessons a day, largely a review for him, until he came to the part where his current level seems to be. We’re moving along a bit slower now, but I am very happy with the rate at which he’s progressing.

Supplementing

When a child is beginning to read with some amount of proficiency, perhaps halfway through 100 Easy Lessons or 15-30 lessons into Alpha-Phonics (you be the judge), I begin to supplement their phonics instruction with Bob Books by Bobby Lynn Maslen. We do traditional phonics on Monday through Thursday, but Fridays are special because on that day, we read Bob Books instead. The change of pace gives them something to look forward to and keeps enthusiasm fresh.

Beyond Phonics

When we move past the need for phonics instruction, I simply let the children read. I’ve been very blessed with voracious readers so far, and I don’t have to give them much nudging to head for the bookshelves to select books of their own choosing. However, in addition to their free reading selections, I want to make sure that they are consistently reading something that is right at their level, neither too easy nor too difficult. For this reason, I use Pathway Readers, assigning one chapter each day. Early on, I will sit with them daily and listen while they read aloud. Once they reach around second grade, I allow them to read their Pathway chapter independently on most days, and I will only have them read it aloud to me once a week. Pathway Readers are sweet and wholesome books produced by an Amish publishing company. The earlier books contain stories about children living on an Amish farm, while the later books contain segments of classic literature, stories of historical figures, and lessons in virtue. The books span from a first grade to an eighth grade reading level, and I greatly appreciate having challenging material on-hand that is also age-appropriate in content. Often, children are capable of reading at a level well beyond their actual grade level, but finding books with suitable content can be difficult!

Preserve the Books

Phonics books tend to take a real beating. While none of my phonics books are particularly expensive, I have already eaten the cost of two copies of 100 Easy Lessons. Upon the start of this year, I saw that the binding of our Alpha-Phonics book was beginning to fall apart, and the corners of some pages were becoming badly wrinkled and torn. At this point, I came up with a brilliant idea. Yes, I said “brilliant,” not to toot my own horn, but to stress that this is something I should have done years ago! I purchased a large (3 inch or so) three-ring binder and some plastic page protectors, disassembled the pages of the book, put them inside the protectors, and inserted them into the binder. With this solution, I expect that I will be able to use the book for the next twenty years, and with as many children as I choose to use it. The binder also has several pockets inside the front and back covers. The pockets provide an excellent spot to keep our Bob Books. Additionally, when Fred and I pack up his school work at the end of each “Mom School” session, we store all of his schoolbooks inside the front of his binder to keep them neatly together until the next day.

Give Them Something to Play With

Little kids are antsy. Some more than others. Most of my children have had a tendency to touch and crinkle the corners of the phonics book pages during lessons, and doing this for 20 minutes a day can really take a toll on the books. When they begin to do this, I give them something else to hold. A small piece of modeling clay to squish and squeeze works very well, as does a small piece of soft, silky or knit cloth to rub. Note: If you try modeling clay, be sure to use a white color unless you want green or red smudges all over your book!

Challenge Them to a Race

Sometimes Alpha-Phonics will provide long columns of words to read, and it can be easy for a child to become sidetracked. Case in point? Fred is a talker, and enjoys discussing each and every word in his lists. A few days ago, he came across the word “cap.” He excitedly proceeded to tell me about his favorite baseball cap, and to inform me that a cap could also be called a “hat,” and did I know that in Minnesota Cuke, Larry the Cucumber called his hat a “fedora?” While I adore Fred’s enthusiasm, we have to keep the chit-chat to a minimum to prevent a 20 minute lesson from becoming a four hour lesson! When we have long lists like this, I will typically begin by pointing out (or asking him to point out) what all of the words have in common. I might ask, “Did you notice that all of the words in this list start with ‘ca-?’” Then I will challenge him to read the list as fast as he possibly can. He enjoys the challenge of a race, and when he gets sidetracked, I can simply remind him, “Remember, you’re racing!” and he will get back on track.

Make a Game

One of our favorite homemade learning tools is a game called “Roadblock,” which I learned about at a homeschool workshop with Carol Barnier. FYI, Carol credits this idea to Peggy Kaye’s book, Games for Learning. To get started, I made a simple gameboard with around 20 slots, decorated it with a few drawings (a house, a tree, and a gas tank), and slipped it into a plastic page protector. I also made a tiny orange paper cone and gathered a few matchbox cars. Here’s how it’s played: In each slot, I use a dry erase marker to write a letter or word, depending on what skill I want my child to practice. We get out a little matchbox car, fill it up with gas (sound effects are encouraged), and begin the game. Slot by slot, I have the child tell the letter, letter sound, or word that they see. If they get stuck, I put up the little orange cone (aka the “roadblock”) and we go over the difficult letter/word a few times. Then we go back to the beginning of the board, leaving the roadblock in place. When they get to the roadblock, they usually get it right this time. At this point, they are allowed to crash through the roadblock and knock it out of their way, continuing along the board. When they get three roadblocks during the game, it’s time to put it away to play again tomorrow. When they are able to complete the board, I erase the board and put up some new letters or words, being sure to include some that gave them trouble before. Note: This game is highly versatile and is great for teaching other subject areas as well – especially math facts!

 

A Homeschool Epiphany

We are six weeks into our seventh year of homeschooling. Back when we started, we had three children: a five year old, a three year old, and a one year old. Today, with baby number seven on the way and children from ages two to eleven years, our homeschooling days and routines look dramatically different than they did when we first began. The other day, however, I realized something amazing and wonderful: It’s not getting any tougher!

Don’t get me wrong. Homeschooling is not easy, per se. It requires commitment, effort, and discipline. When I say that it’s not getting tougher, I mean that although our family and homeschool have grown, and although the scope of their school work has expanded, I’ve found that each year’s new demands and challenges are balanced out by new benefits and blessings. Homeschooling has not become much more difficult, and I’ve never been tempted to view it as an impossible task. Want to see why? Here is our experience thus far:

Homeschooling a 4-6 year old with a few younger ones in the home

The Challenges

• Homeschooling is a new and unfamiliar territory
• The school child is too young to do assignments alone; Mom is needed for one-on-one teaching for every subject
• Mom has little assistance and a lot of work in addition to homeschooling: housekeeping, meals, caring for babies, keeping toddlers from hurting themselves, etc.
• Mom could be pregnant (We’ve had a baby every 1 1/2 – 2 years, all the way up through the present!)

The Blessings:

• School does not require much time at this stage
• Younger siblings are still young enough to take naps – an adequate amount of time to complete most schoolwork
• Most lessons are relatively easy, gentle and fun
• Much of school time is also quality, relationship-building time
• The 4-6 year old can and should begin learning to do a few household chores (folding and putting away own laundry, etc)

Adding in a second child

The Challenges

• Learning to juggle multiple levels
• The older child’s schoolwork now requires longer than a naptime
• There are still babies or toddlers to care for
• Mom could be pregnant – along with accompanying morning sickness and/or fatigue

The Blessings:

• Mom has taught Kindergarten before and knows what to expect
• Mom has a year or two under her belt and has developed confidence in her ability to do this
• Mom sees some fruits of her labor in the older child, and is motivated to stick with it
• While some school subjects still require Mom’s one-on-one attention, the older child can do other schoolwork independently; Mom’s actual tutoring time doesn’t change
• The older child is taking on a few more chores, helping Mom even further
• The second child is learning to do some helpful chores, which gives Mom two good helpers!

Adding in a third child

The Challenges

• Taking time management to a whole new level
• Older children begin to develop their gifts; This is actually a blessing, but it does require more time, attention, and finances (perhaps music lessons, sports, art or drama classes, etc.)
• Older children’s schoolwork becomes greater in scope, and more advanced
• There may still be babies and toddlers to care for
• Mom could be pregnant – and not 29 anymore

The Blessings:

• Enter the concept of multi-level teaching: My Father’s World (our choice), Konos, Tapestry of Grace, etc.
• Enter the concept of rotating children among different “school stations;” Example: at 10:00, one child babysits (in eye & earshot of Mom), one child does “Mom School,” one does “Computer School” and one does “Independent School.” At 10:30, everyone switches to the next school station.
• Older children have become independent learners and are mature enough to do most work on their own. They only require Mom’s one-on-one tutoring for their most difficult subjects (Composition or Math, perhaps). Other subjects require regular assessment, but not a great deal of explaining and teaching.
• Seeing more growth and fruit in older children
• Most people have stopped asking the “socialization” question, because they can see the fruit too. (Either that, or they just think that you’re stubborn and there’s no use in bringing it up ~grin~)
• Confidence and strength in the conviction that the family is doing as the Lord has called

Adding in a fourth child

The Challenges

• Much the same as the “third child” list, only with more children!

The Blessings

• Mom is an old pro at homeschooling
• Mom is an old pro at multi-level teaching
• Older children require even less one-on-one instruction
• Mom has learned a wealth of household management skills and routines that keep the home running smoothly with little stress
• Mom now has four great helpers who have been trained to know where they should be and what they should be doing during the critical school and chore hours of the day

This is as far as we’ve come so far. My oldest child is in 6th grade, so we’ve yet to experience junior high/high school. I am sure that there will be new challenges and demands as we move into those stages, but they don’t frighten me. I am excited to see how the Lord is going to work in our lives and equip us to meet the task. He has called me to homeschool, and has never forsaken me. I have not viewed any of the demands as “burdens.” Yes, it is work, and yes, it is a challenge. But is it enjoyable? Is it a blessing? Is it worth it? Yes, yes, and a thousand times yes! I have complete trust that in the years we’ve yet to experience, He will provide for every challenge that we face, and we will always want to give Him thanks for the years to come.

 

Meal Planning Revisited

Update: If the following idea interests you, be sure to check out this post, which explains how we have tweaked this system, making it more functional for our family!

About a year ago, I wrote on the subject of menu planning. I have actually gotten out of the habit of carefully planning out my menus, and we’ve been feeling the effects in our budget and nutritional intake, as well as our need to make a lot of extra trips to the grocery store. I have resolved to get back on track, not only with planning, but with being more creative in the meals that I prepare. One thing I know about myself is that while I can cook all day with no problem, I am in dire need of direction: someone or something to tell me just what to prepare from day to day. Otherwise, I am a very boring cook.

Recently, I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Passionate Homemaking, and came across an article that lays out an intriguing idea for simplifying menu planning. The idea is to do a meal plan once a month, but to have a regular dinner theme for each day of the week. For example, Mondays could be main-dish-salad night, Tuesdays fish, Wednesdays chicken, Thursdays soup, Fridays Mexican/Italian, etc. At the beginning of the month, you’d come up with 3 or 4 meal ideas for each theme. You would then do the grocery shopping for all of the meat and pantry items for the entire month, shopping for the perishables every week or two. This way, you always have guidance on what to cook (which I need) and balance in eating a variety of foods, but flexibility to work with what is on-hand and what you are in the mood to eat.

I was inspired by this idea and have resolved to give it a try. I wrote up a “master list” of sorts, which has our theme plan laid out, as well as a number of meal ideas for each theme. Some of the meals are things that I just cook and don’t use a recipe for, some are recipes from a few favorite cookbooks, but most are from allrecipes.com. I searched at allrecipes for dishes that fit the themes, looked at the ones with the best ratings, and then tried to choose the recipes that seemed to have the easiest and quickest preparation – I’m lazy like that! I’m sure I have forgotten to include some favorite meals, but my brain is a bit fried at the moment. I’ll add those other meals in as I think of them.

Presently, I am light on energy and shopping time (VBS this week, starting school next week, and barely at home all weekend), so I am not planning to write a big monthly plan quite yet, but I am going to use this list to give me some direction for next week’s meals. I thought I would share the list here for anyone else that might benefit from it.  So here you go:

Menu Planning

• Monday: Soup or Main Dish Salad
• Tuesday: Chicken
• Wednesday: Mexican or Casserole
• Thursday: Chinese, Fish or Beef
• Friday: This is the night that we usually have our small group over, and each family takes turns bringing the meal. On nights when small group doesn’t meet, it will be Easy Favorites Night (Pizza or Burgers)
• Saturday: Italian & Dessert Night
• Sunday: Leftovers or Favorites Night

Soups

• Black Bean

• French Onion

• Broccoli

• Potato

• Wedding

• Chicken Noodle

• Beef Vegetable

• Beef Stew

• Taco Soup

• Chili

• Chicken Tortilla

• Chicken Dumpling

Main-Dish Salads

• Chicken Caesar

• Taco Salad

• Southwest Chicken Salad

• Mexican Bean & Rice Salad

• BBQ Chicken Salad

Chicken

• Chicken Parmesan

• Chicken Enchiladas

• Barbeque Chicken

• Grilled Chicken

• Chicken Kabobs

• Chicken Cordon Bleu

• Parmesan Chicken

• Super Simple Chicken (Butter, Basil, Garlic)

Chinese

• Orange Chicken

• Chicken Stir Fry

• Honey Chicken

• Garlic Chicken

• Asian Beef with Snow Peas

• Crispy Orange Beef

Fish

• Steamed Fish with Ginger

• Lemon Garlic Tilapia

• Almond-Topped Fish (cod, haddock, orange roughy)

• Lemon Orange Orange Roughy

Beef

• Slow Cooked Roast Beef

• Meatloaf topped with mashed potatoes, green beans and gravy

• Steaks

• Slow Cooker Beef Stroganoff

• Blue Cheese Teriyaki Beef Tenderloin

• Beef Burgundy

• Beef Stew

Mexican

• Chicken Quesadillas

• Chicken Chimichangas

• Easy Mexican Casserole

• Chicken Enchiladas

• Tacos

• Black Bean Burritos

• Chicken Tortilla Casserole

• Side – Mexican Rice

• Side – Black Beans

• Side – Corn

Casseroles

• Saucy Beef Casserole

• Chicken Rice Casserole

• Bean Burrito Casserole

• Cabbage Roll Casserole

• Chicken Pot Pie

• Beef Pot Pie

• Almond Chicken Casserole

• Keilbasa and Sauerkraut (Maybe not technically a casserole, but it’s a favorite that doesn’t quite fit in any of my themes!)

Italian

• Lasagna

• Stuffed Shells

• Fettuccini Alfredo

• Spaghetti

• Chicken Cacciatore

Sides

• Salad

• Steamed Veggie – any

• Rice

• Pasta

• Pierogies

• Bread

• Macaroni and Cheese

• Potatoes – Baked, Mashed or Scalloped (This is at the bottom of the list, because although Iron Man and I love potatoes, I rarely cook them because the kids detest them!)

Related Post: Our Menu Planning System – Tweaked!

If this has been helpful to you at all, please leave a comment to let me know! I love hearing your feedback!

 

FAQs about our Larger than Average Family

In our “a boy for me and a girl for you, then praise the Lord, we’re finally through” culture (to quote Voddie Baucham), our family kind of sticks out in a crowd! From curious strangers at the grocery store to our closest family members, we get a lot of questions and comments on a regular basis. Many of the questions and comments are comical in nature, and a rare few are downright rude.  But most people are very supportive and encouraging, and we do get some serious questions from those who are genuinely interested in knowing the answers. I thought I would take a crack at some of the questions that we most frequently hear, both the silly and the serious.

Are you nuts? No.

Don’t you know what causes that? Yes.

Was this planned? Since before the Earth was formed? Yes. In our own minds from the beginning of marriage? No. Each individual child around the time of their conception? Yes.

Why?? There are so many answers to this, and I can’t begin to explain the depth of the many reasons why. But here are a few of the answers… We have a tremendous heart for children. We have felt convicted that God desired us to have each and every one of these children. We believe children are a blessing and not a burden. They are a joy and a balm to our hearts. We consider it an honor to raise up a lot of children in our faith to bring glory to God. How’s that for starters?

I know a woman who grew up in a large family, and she hated it. She swore she would never have children. When I meet someone who grew up in a large family, they always let me know! They never fail to tell me their feelings about it. Occasionally one will express that they hated it, but by and large, most will tell me how much they loved it and how glad they are to have had lots of siblings. Sometimes a teary-eyed older person will tell me that now that their parents have passed on, they are so glad to have those sisters and brothers with whom they shared their childhood. Some will tell me that now some of their siblings have passed on, and how dearly they miss them.

So what makes the difference between those who loved it and those who hated it? I can’t be certain, but I have a theory that it often has something to do with their parents’ feelings about their large brood. When parents believe their children to be a burden and hardship, and are bitter about being stuck with their “lot in life,” I think this bitterness rubs off on the children, who grow up with a mindset that having a large family is a terrible thing to be avoided. But, when parents feel that raising a large family is a privilege, blessing, and honor, I suspect that the children grow up feeling that it’s pretty special to be part of such a family.

I can only speak for my crew, and they think it’s awesome to be part of a large family.

Are you the most patient woman in the world? Absolutely not. Having a lot of children has been a magnifying glass to my impatience, and has driven me to my knees in prayer more times than I can count. I can say with certainty that the Lord has used my “mommy of many” role to refine me in patience and many other ways.

Are you the most organized woman in the world? Ha ha ha!!!! Hold on while I wipe the tea off my face that I just spit out… Ahem. To answer this, no, I am not the most organized person in the world. By sheer necessity, I’ve (once again) been driven to my knees to seek wisdom in how to manage things. I’ve read books, I’ve applied, I’ve adapted, and I’ve carefully planned routines and systems in the home to help me live in an organized way. With the Lord’s help, I’ve learned to be organized enough to manage a house full of children. Which, by the way, is partially why I started this blog!

What about “Me Time?” Hmmm… How do I answer this? Let me preface by stating that I do believe rest is essential, and every mother needs some amount of quiet, calm, peaceful time to regroup. However, I think that “me time,” in the way that most people think of it, is overrated. I’ve searched the scriptures, and there just isn’t anything in there that would justify tremendous amounts of “Me Time.” Rest? Yes. Enjoyment of creation? Yes? But there’s a whole lot more in there about hard work, dying to self, and putting needs of others before yourself.

That said, I must confess that I love the hours in the afternoon when my youngest ones are napping and the house is so very quiet. I love the early morning hours when the sun isn’t quite up, and the house is quiet. I love the time when the little ones are all put to bed, and the house is quiet. I love when I can get an uninterrupted shower. BUT! I also love: the morning time when we are bustling through the house with breakfast and chores… cuddling on the couch reading stories… the hours of homeschooling… the sound of the children playing together… the time of day when the little ones wake up from their naps… chatting with my kids while preparing dinner… playing “Hide and Seek” or “Apples to Apples” with them… making a jumbo, messy, bowl of popcorn and letting them dive in to it on movie night… and just talking to my kids.

What is “Me Time?” Is it simply doing things we love to do? My days are full of those, children included! And I even find time to do things by myself, such as writing blog posts like this or reading books. Is “Me Time” defined as rest? I manage to get that every day as well. Is “Me Time” getting out of the house alone? When I need to buy clothing for myself, I usually do so alone. I sometimes go to my doctor’s appointments alone. Occasionally I even get out to the grocery store alone, although most days I have all six kids in tow. Quite frankly, it makes very little difference to me. With a little training, kids can make it through the grocery store without making you crazy, and they can actually be taught to be helpful!

How do you afford all those kids? You’ve been reading those “Costs to raise a child to age 18″ articles again, haven’t you? Throw those away! It doesn’t have to be that way, truly. It can be that way, if you buy a bigger house with the birth of each child, buy all new clothing for each child, utilize a lot of childcare, and make dining out the “rule” rather than the “exception.” But it does not have to be that way. I happen to think that not every child (or even every two children) “needs” their own room. While I like my kids to dress in nice, up-to-date clothing, I pass a lot of clothes down from child to child, filling in gaps as much as possible with consignment store finds. We’ve had to upgrade to larger vehicles exactly two times, but I think our 12-passenger van will suffice for a long time! I cook from scratch a lot, and have learned to enjoy it. I keep easy meals on hand for days that I’m tired. Not to say that we never dine out, but our culinary experiences have gravitated more toward the “kids eat free on Tuesdays” establishments, and dining out is the exception, not the rule. We’ve learned the difference between “needs” and “wants.” Giving and needs are taken care of first, and wants are considered carefully.

But what about college? I could do a pretty big blog post dedicated to this question alone, but I’ll try to keep it simple, while being transparent.

1. First and foremost, if it is God’s will for our children to attend college, and we have been faithful in using our money as we feel He directs, we believe He will provide a way for our children to attend, and likely to do so without debt. We can trust in Him.
2. If it is not God’s will for our children to attend college, then He must have another plan for them which will provide for all their financial needs. We can trust in Him.
3. We don’t have to do it the “usual” way. Some other options are:
   *Take first 2 years at community college then transfer to a larger university.
   *Commute to a nearby university. No room & board costs.
   *Online classes may be an option. No room & board costs.
   *Kids may be able to test out of some classes.
   *A trade school might be well suited to a particular field that our children want to pursue.
   *Even if these options won’t work with all of our children (depending on their course of study), some of the options should work for some of the children, lightening the overall load of total college costs.
4. We should have more money freed up at that time to help with college when it’s needed. We are currently paying almost double our mortgage payments. Our goal is to have our mortgage completely paid off  by the time our oldest child has finished high school. Being 100% debt free will free up a lot of money to help with college when it’s needed.
5. By the time younger ones are in college, older ones will be out of college and working, not relying on us to completely support them financially.
6. There are several streams of money, large and small, that will work together help significantly with college costs:
   *We have saved some money in 529 plans
   *Kids can work
   *Scholarships (by giving our children an excellent pre-college education and lots of real-world experience, we hope they will qualify for something here!)
   *Grants may be available for a family of our size.
   *Some bonds and other gifts acquired through the years

For more on this, you might want to read a great book called College Without Compromise.

Whoah – Did you say you pay double your mortgage payments???  How in the world do you do that? Nearly double, but not quite. Anyhow, if you have ever visited us and wondered such things as, “Why don’t they move into a bigger house? Why don’t they add on to the back of their house? Why do they drive their vehicles until they die? Why don’t they just replace those kitchen countertops? Why don’t they finish that basement already?” Well, now you have your answer. One can’t double their mortgage payments when they have the burden of car payments, home equity loans, and other consumer debt. With God’s grace, principles learned by Dave Ramsey, and a fantastic budgeting system (YNAB) we have managed to be debt-free with the exception of the mortgage. We’re working to fix that situation now! For more on this, you can read this blog post detailing how we manage our finances.

But just think! If you didn’t have kids, you could get a bigger house and drive newer cars… It’s a tradeoff, I know.  But I happen to believe that we are getting the better end of the bargain!!!! I’d take children over square footage any day. If your goal is to accumulate as much stuff as possible before you die, then we would appear to be very foolish indeed. But that’s not our goal. As Bubbles so beautifully stated the other day, we want something that we can take to Heaven with us. That would be… children.

Don’t you worry that you won’t be able to do anything with your life after your kids grow up and leave the nest? No, I don’t worry about that at all. I’m capable of being passionate about many things. At this stage in my life, being a mom is “what I do,” and as such, I expect to pour my heart into it. At the same time, I’ve managed to be involved in a number of different ministries, many of which I can do with my children. I’ve no doubt that the Lord will continue to place me in the path of new and exciting opportunities that He plans for me, even after my children are grown.

Do you think everybody should have a lot of kids? No. To be honest, I really don’t spend time thinking about decisions that other people make. It is not my business, and I’m not here to pass judgment on anyone else. My job is to live as the Lord calls me. And in my case, I am called to be a mom of lots of kids, a role which I happen to love!

Are you going to have any more children? That’s a question that I’m not quite ready to answer yet! But I can tell you this. In all the many conversations that I have had on the topic of family size, not a single person has ever told me that they wish they had fewer children. I’m sure there are people out there who feel that way, but I’ve never come across them. However, many, many people, whose child-bearing years have passed, have looked me deeply in the eye and said with regret, “I wish I’d had more.”‘

 

Looking on the bright side

This afternoon, as I glanced around my house at the floors that were dreadfully in need of vacuuming, I felt myself becoming discouraged. Looking at the toys on the kitchen floor, in the hallway, and in the dining room, I felt a little worse. Looking at the dust on my baseboards, I felt that frustration of knowing that I messed up, and maybe I’m not a very good wife or mom. Then I started thinking of events today that seemed to confirm that idea:

• At Math Time today, Polly’s “Math-U-See” DVD was missing. (“I am so unorganized. We are always losing things.”)
• Then I lectured all the kids about losing things. (“I am so annoying.”)
• At Polly’s orthodontist appointment today, George decided to liven the place up a bit. (“I have done a terrible job training him”)
• I used a rather harsh tone with Princess when she disobeyed me for the 5th time at what was supposed to be naptime. (“I am so impatient. I should have applied a consequence and not become emotional. I’m not consistent at all.”)  
• A quick glance up at my memo board listed several errands that were still not done. (“I haven’t accomplished a thing all day. I’m lazy.”) 

I sighed. I closed my eyes. I prayed. Then, a thought came to my mind. A verse from the Bible: 2 Corinthians 10:5 “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” Those feelings of failure, that discouragement, those thoughts? They were not from God. I had been allowing myself to listen to lies. Instead of giving in to every negative thought that comes my way, I needed to take my thoughts captive.

The items on my list were true: I did need to vacuum my floors. My baseboards did need a good dusting. I didn’t complete a lot of errands on my list. The behavior of my two youngest children did leave something to be desired today, and I did raise my voice. But my conclusions were not true. As I pondered some more, God reminded me of some other events of today that I hadn’t considered before:

1. I finished all my laundry
2. I finished all my ironing
3. I cleaned my kitchen
4. We arrived early for the orthodontist appointment
5. The orthodontist told us that Polly’s overbite is 100% normal now
6. Our children have eaten healthy meals
7. Bubbles started learning the music staff, and will soon be able to take piano lessons from someone other than me
8. Everyone learned a lot about shading in Art
9. We had a great discussion about  the Egyptian Pharaoh Amenhotep IV
10. I noticed a tremendous improvement in Gameboy’s piano and cursive writing skills
11. I was able to teach Polly her math lesson without the use of the DVD
12. Polly understood her math lesson perfectly and did great on her Math assignment
13. My children and I had some great laughs together
14. I noticed how kindly the children treat each other, just like best friends
15. I’ve prepared, practiced, and become satisfied with the little MOPS talk I’m giving tomorrow
16. It really didn’t take long to vacuum, dust, and get the toys in order
17. The Math DVD turned up eventually
18. The search for the Math DVD left all our CDs and DVDs beautifully organized

I am not Supermom. I do fail. But I’m forgiven, I’m blessed, and I’m equipped to do what I need to do. 

In truth, it’s not about me at all. I had been spending too much time focusing inwardly. It is God who put me here, in this family, with these children, in the roles where He wants me. It is He who has called me to these tasks, and it is He who will enable me to complete His plans in my life. I’m thankful that He reminded me to take my thoughts captive, that He reminded me of the many ways I am blessed, and that because of Jesus and the cross, He forgives me when I mess up. How good He is!

Looking for similar posts? Check out Things to be Thankful For.

 

The No Yelling Zone

I am a mom who has struggled with yelling at my children. I wish I could say that I’ve overcome it all, but that would not be true. The Lord has brought me a long way, but I still have struggles occasionally, and I do still fall into that sin of giving vent to my anger.

Here are some common triggers for my impatience:

• Frustration over a discipline issue that keeps creeping up, and I am tired of dealing with it.
• I may have neglected to take action in an area of discipline for too long, and a behavior has gotten to a point that I am overwhelmed by it.
• A manifestation of laziness. I simply don’t “feel” like stopping what I am doing in order to deal with a misbehavior, and I try to use the volume of my voice to do the work instead.
• My own moodiness, which has nothing to do with the level of misbehavior among the children.

My reasons are not good reasons, but it is important to know what might set me off, so that I can be aware and take action to “discipline” myself! For example, if I know that lack of sleep tends to make me grumpy, I will take care to go to sleep at a reasonable hour and take rest when I need it.

The Lord has shown me that my anger and yelling are choices that I make. In the midst of “lecturing loudly,” I have been able to calm myself quickly enough to answer the telephone with a reasonably cheerful, “hello!” Therefore, I owe it to these dear children to calm myself in speaking to them.

I have also been sobered by the realization that these children do not belong to me; they belong to God. His Word directs me to discipline my children, but I can not just speak to them in any way that I feel at the moment. My respect for God should always demonstrate care and caution with how I treat these amazing blessings that God has created and given me the privilege of raising. The Bible says, “for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires” (James 1:20, ESV).  It also directs fathers to “not exasperate (provoke)  your children” (Colossians 3:21). Anger and yelling may startle children into altering their behavior, but it will not influence their heart in a righteous way.

I have many suggestions in coming posts about discipline, but in regards to yelling, I have the following pieces of advice:

• Make a decision that your home will be a “No Yelling Zone,” and simply do not yell. Bite your tongue, leave the room and go pray, or stick your hand over your mouth. When you are angry, don’t allow yourself to speak. If your child’s behavior needs a consequence, send them to sit on their bed while you calm down, and then deal with the problem appropriately.
• Resist the urge to let the volume of your voice do the work of disciplining for you. The dishes can wait, your book can wait, and most other things can wait five minutes so that you can give your full attention to dealing with misbehavior.
• Take appropriate action immediately when you see the beginnings of a behavior problem, when you are still calm and affectionate with your children. Don’t wait until you are angry.
• Set high goals for your children, but keep your expectations lower for today. Goals are something to work toward, and we can not expect that behavior issues will turn around overnight. Improvement will come with time and effort. If you expect stumbles to happen along the way, you will be less likely to become flustered when they arise.
• Recognize the times that you feel “snappy,” and deal with those personal issues. If you are tempted to anger or yelling when you are sick, hungry, overly tired, or at a certain time of the month, then be sure to get plenty of sleep and eat well during those times. Take naps at the first opportunity. Recognize that next week you will not be nearly as irritated by the very things that drive you crazy today.
• Sometimes you may fall; I still do. If you blow it, humble yourself and apologize to your children. Usually when I apologize, my children will hug me and tell me, “I knew you were going to say that, Mommy. I forgive you.” I want them to know that my actions were not right in God’s eyes, and that I am repentant.

The very best book I have ever read related to keeping a calm spirit is Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit by Teri Maxwell. Mrs. Maxwell is a homeschooling mother of eight, and an amazing women. In this book, she describes a unique attitude that I wish I would consistently emulate. She describes times when children misbehave as opportunities to give thanks to the Lord! Yes, really. We can be grateful that He allowed the behavior to surface, because it gives her the opportunity to help the children work through that area of their character. Those character issues are there inside their hearts, but if we never see the problem, we would not be able to discipline them in that area. May we all be thankful for opportunities to steward and train our children.

Want more? Check out Direction in Discipline or see the list of all my Parenting Posts.

 

Managing Finances

For years, Iron Man and I felt that we were okay financially. Although we did not have a budget, we were heavily funding a 401K and college savings for our children, we had no debt other than the mortgage and the car, and we never spent more than we made. We used credit cards almost exclusively and were often surprised by the balances, but we always paid the full balance each month. We spent most of the income that flowed in each month, and occasionally tapped into our savings account whenever an insurance premium was due or we had what we considered an unexpected “emergency” (such as new tires or a household repair). We took no income tax deductions though, and we looked forward to our yearly income tax refund which replenished our savings account. By the grace of God, we never fell into debt and always had enough, but we had no plan for our money, no knowledge of where our dollars were heading, and we were not really in control of our spending.

We discovered Dave Ramsey’s radio show, and were intrigued by Dave’s advice to work toward living debt-free and achieving financial freedom. His principles are very commonsense, yet revolutionary for those who have never learned this way of thinking and living. One of the most important decisions that Iron Man and I made as a result of listening to Dave’s advice was to implement a budget. Later, I will share some of Dave’s other principles, but first, I would like to share with you the budget system that we use.

You Need A Budget: A Practical Application
Before beginning a budget, Iron Man and I could easily see the benefits of using one, and we clearly understood the purposes behind it: to give each dollar a job, and to ensure that our spending stayed within clearly defined boundaries. However, we were a bit bewildered about how to go about implementing a usable approach. We had heard of the “envelope system,” where people put cash into envelopes for each spending category. Under the envelope system, when the cash in an envelope runs out, no more money is spent in that category until the following month. This sounded like a great system, but we opted not to use it because we knew that we would never stick with it. Among our myriad of reasons were:

• We were spoiled by the convenience of credit cards. The sudden switch to a system based exclusively on cash would be too dramatic a transition for us.
• Even if we did resolve to go to mostly cash purchases, there would still be occasional checks written and debit or credit card expenditures. We could not figure out how we would reconcile checks or electronic payments with a cash envelope system.
• We knew that we would not make regular trips to the bank to fund the envelopes with physical cash. 
• Iron Man travels frequently, and might forget to take cash from a particular envelope for gas, food, etc.
• We were not sure how to divvy up the cash between the two of us for categories such as food, auto fuel, clothing, and “miscellaneous.”

After searching for a budget system that would work for our family, I discovered a fantastic budgeting sytem called You Need A Budget (YNAB)that allowed us to put Dave Ramsey’s principles into action. Instead of using paper envelopes, this spreadsheet system sets up “virtual” envelopes for our spending categories and keeps track of the amounts spent and amounts remaining in each category. It includes:

• A “Register” page where all income and expenditures are entered
• A “Budget” page where allocations are made into spending categories. This page tracks the amount spent and the amount remaining in each category
• A “Scheduler” where we have the option of setting up regular expenditures so that they will be automatically recorded each month
• A “Reports” page that gives a nice overview of our inflow/outflow habits
• An exceptional user’s guide that not only explains how the system works, but also includes a great deal of wisdom about financial practices in general.
• At the beginning of the month, we look at our total income from the previous month, and we allocate dollar amounts in each spending and savings category. As we allocate the dollars, we can see the total available balance decreasing, and we continue allocating until the available balance reaches zero. This is a very eye-opening experience, and it goes hand-in-hand with Dave Ramsey’s principle of “zero-based budgeting,” which I’ll explain more about later.

Instead of removing cash from physical envelopes, we record our receipts each time we spend money, whether we paid by cash, check, or debit card (we no longer use credit cards at all). For example, each time I go to the grocery store, I enter my expenditure into the “food” category. The YNAB budget tells me exactly how much money remains in my virtual food envelope. If I am nearing the end of my food money, I need to be very conservative in the meals I prepare until next month. If I overspend in any category, that money is taken from next month’s total available income.

 If I spend less in a category than budgeted, the extra money is carried over to next month’s available balance for that category. For example, suppose I allocate $50 in January toward “car insurance.” I do not pay car insurance in January, so YNAB carries that $50 over to car insurance for February. In February, when I once again allocate $50 toward car insurance, my budget will show that I now have $100 available for car insurance.

You Need A Budget is a very affordable and practical system that has made personal budgeting about as simple as it can get. You can check out the system at YouNeedABudget.com.

Benefits of Having a Budget

• We have more control over our spending: We have a plan for our money, we spend less and save more, and we are working toward the goal of living debt-free.
• There is a great deal of freedom and relief that comes from having a budget. I used to feel guilty every time I spent any money, even when I was spending on a genuine need. I no longer have to feel guilty when I spend within the amount that was allocated, because I know that is what the money is there for!
• We can allocate money toward those expenses that only occur once or twice a year, such as property taxes, insurance premiums, or Christmas. Even though we are not spending money each month on those categories, we can see the allocated amount increasing each month. When the expense comes due, that category is fully funded to meet the expense, and there are never any surprises.
• There is no longer any question of whether something is affordable for us or not. We always know exactly how much cash we have available for home maintenance, education, clothing, food, gifts… everything.
• We have a practical plan if we want to save for a piece of furniture, a remodeling project, or a vacation.
• The discipline of regularly saving money has freed us from using our income tax withholdings as a savings plan! We now accumulate interest on the money that we save, rather than loaning it to the government, interest-free.

A Few Highlights from Dave Ramsey

For anyone who is not familiar with Dave Ramsey’s principles, I’d like to share a few highlights that were very useful for our family. In particular, I’d like to share Dave’s concepts of “Zero-Based Budgeting,” the “Baby Steps,” and the “Debt Snowball.”

Zero-Based Budgeting

The idea behind zero-based budgeting is to set a purpose for each and every dollar. After determining your spending categories, you allocate an amount in each category, each month, until your entire income has been allocated. You allocate toward basic necessities, debt, savings, and every other area of spending, until you have zero dollars of income left to apply. Dave calls this “giving each dollar a job.” He even recommends that you allocate dollars toward a “Blow” category. To paraphrase Dave… you are going to blow some money each month, and that is fine, but plan for it!

Dave also points out that items such as insurance premiums, new tires, and Christmas are *not* emergencies… ouch! We know that these expenses are going to occur at some point, and in many cases, we know exactly when they will occur! By setting aside money each month toward these categories, we will not have to dig in to our emergency funds or savings accounts to fund them. This was probably the biggest one for Iron Man and me.

The Baby Steps

These steps are to be completed one at a time, not simultaneously. I have taken this list directly from Dave Ramsey’s website:

1. $1,000 to start an Emergency Fund
2. Pay off all debt using the Debt Snowball
3. Three to six months of expenses in savings
4. Invest 15% of household income into Roth IRAs and pre-tax retirement 
5. College funding for children 
6. Pay off home early 
7. Build wealth and give! 
8. Invest in mutual funds and real estate

The Debt Snowball
A simple and practical approach to getting rid of debt. Here’s how it works:

1. Make a list of all your debts in order of smallest payoff balance to largest.
2. Attack the smallest debt first. Maintain minimum payments on everything else, and focus your attention on putting as much money as possible toward getting this debt paid off. By starting with the smallest debt, you achieve more immediate results, and this success will make you more likely to stick with the plan.
3. After the smallest debt is paid off, take all of the money that you had previously been spending on that debt (the regular payment plus the extra principle), and put it all toward the next smallest debt. Continue until this debt is paid off.
4. Continue stepping up to the next debt until all debts are paid in full, except for your mortgage. Paying off the house comes later on in the “Baby Steps.”

Recommended Resources

• You Need A Budget: Simple, Effective, Powerful Budgeting System
• The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness, by Dave Ramsey
• Dave Ramsey’s Website

Want more? Check out Getting There on Time or see the list of all my Home Management Posts.

 

101 Uses for an Over-the-Door Shoe Holder

Okay, maybe not 101 uses. More like 3 or 4, actually. “101″ just sounds better…

But the point of this blog post is that part of a growing family means learning how to work with the space you have. In order to accomodate more beds, more clothes, more toys, more books, more food, and all the other “mores” that come with more children, a growing family needs to re-evaluate their use of space with each new person. In the case of Iron Man and me, we are taking the same house that we purchased when we had three children ages three and under, and using the same space to accomodate six children ages ten and under. Same square footage; vastly different use of it!

Sometimes this requires thinking outside the box. As the title of this post implies, one of the tools we used to maximize our use of space is the over-the-door shoe holder. Here are a few ways that we use them.

Hats, Scarves, and Gloves

I am not joking when I tell you that hats and mittens were a source of much irritation for several years. I tried several solutions over the years, but putting a shoe holder inside our coat closet five years ago was the first one that I was ever excited about. Yes, I actually do get excited about these things. It’s a sickness, I know.

Each family member gets two slots to put their things in, and I label the slots with a colored dot with the first initial of each person. Girls get pink dots and boys get green dots, except for Princess and Cutie. I haven’t yet gotten around to sticking dots on their mitten slot.

During the warmer months, I pack all of the winter accessories away in a Rubbermaid bin, and I put the kids’ bathing suits and sunglasses in the slots.



Hair things

Our girls have a lot of hair accessories. We have started making our own bows, and now have a collection of ribbon as well. I put a shoe holder inside a closet in the kids’ bathroom to hold all their hair things. I organize the accessories by item and color, put them in plastic baggies, then drop the baggies into the shoe slots. As you see, we still have plenty of space for more stuff in these shoe holders!



But shoe holders are not just good for little girls. After seeing how well it worked out for our girls, I put one on the back of my own bathroom door. I keep makeup, hair things, washcloths, fingernail clippers, and basically all that “little” stuff that most people would keep in a drawer.



Socks, Belts, and Underthings

Our three girls share a bedroom, as do our three boys. The girls have ample closet space, but only one dresser. The reason three girls can make do with one dresser is that they use a shoe holder for items that most people keep in dresser drawers: socks, tights, underthings, belts, etc.



What little things in your house need a home, need organized, or need to be stored more visibly? Paints, brushes, and crafts? Pens and pencils? Game pieces? Polly Pockets and little green Army figures? Playdough? Find a nearby door and hang up a shoe holder. And please, drop me a comment to let me know what you are using your shoe holders for. I’m always looking for new ideas!

Want more? Check out Decluttering or see the list of all my Home Organization Posts.

 

Invaded by dolls

Iron Man detests dolls. They seriously creep him out.

Our daughters know this, and occasionally place the dolls in unexpected places to pick on their father and amuse themselves. They’ve been known to put the dolls along the side of the bed before Iron Man wakes up, or place them on the steps so that they will welcome him as he walks through the front door. Sometimes they just strategically place the dolls in a way to have the appearance of staring at him.  

Tonight after putting the kids to bed, Iron Man approached our bedroom to be greeted by this:

 

That was just the beginning. When our girls put their minds to do something, they aim to do it right! Dolls seemed to jump out from every corner…

taking a nap:

 

knitting…

 

listening to music…

 

And it didn’t end there! Oh no it did not… The clincher came when Iron Man walked into the bathroom, suspiciously checking every area that our little jokers might have set their traps. I think he may have been humming the theme to “Psycho” (no, we’ve never actually seen the movie.)

 

This is what he found in the shower.

 

But alas, I’ve saved the best for last:

 

Poor Iron Man may be having some trouble going to sleep tonight. He might be having nightmares along the lines of “Bride of Chucky” – another movie we’ve never actually seen… nor want to!

 

Things to be thankful for

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (ESV) Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

After my blog post ranting about our day, I was feeling a little guilty for complaining. As I read back over my post, I realized that I have many things to be thankful for, all which were brought to mind by my earlier post.

1. Iron Man rarely has to go away for more than a day at a time. When I think of military families such as my sister-in-law’s family, who have to be separated for much longer lengths of time, I have a renewed appreciation for the fact that Iron Man spends most of his non-working hours right here in our home.
2. After reflecting more upon military families, I am thankful that they are willing to sacrifice so much, even willing to sacrifice their very lives, for the freedom and safety of this great nation.
3. I was tired today, but not exhausted. The Lord provided the strength for me to complete an entire day of school, meals for my family, and a number of errands beside.
4. My $14 library fine means that we have a fantastic library where I can utilize tons of resources at no cost except my “stupid tax” for forgetting to return books and dvds on time.
5. I was blessed by running into a wonderful woman who works at our library. She used to be a midwife, and ten years ago, she assisted in delivering Sweet Pea. Chatting with her lifted my spirits today.
6. Our chaotic trip to Target was less than a five-minute driving distance from our house. We are also within five minutes away from two grocery stores, a Walmart, and many other stores. How good it is to have the convenience of being only minutes away from buying things that we need.
7. While Cutie had a difficult time in Target, all five of the other children behaved impeccably. I barely noticed this at the time because I was so focused on taking care of Cutie and rushing through the store. Looking back, though, it is remarkable how well-mannered they were. If Cutie had been calm, it would have been a perfect shopping trip!
8. Sweet Pea and Gameboy showed true servants’ hearts when they immediately rushed to aid me in loading up bags and siblings in the van.
9. Diaper rash is no fun, but at least it is a minor condition. I am thankful that all my children are healthy.
10. One more thing to be thankful for… brownie mix.